You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
