Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
