is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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