last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
