why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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