dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
