No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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