he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
