My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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