my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
