it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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