There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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