i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
