I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
