whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
