I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
