Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
