Soap is not a condiment
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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