My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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