So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
