so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
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