Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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