Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
