ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
