I wish they made helmets for livers.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I party with great urgency now.
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