So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I checked into jail on foursquare
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
