Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
