Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I am mentally ready for anal.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
