You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
