Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Randomize
