I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize