my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
