im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
