another moral hangover. fuck.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
