so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
