I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize