In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
last night I used snow as a chaser
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
