i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
