I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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