Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
