Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Never underestimate the power of titties
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