so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
