She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize