why do cheetos always look like penises
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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