Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
