I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
