we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize