He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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