I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
