ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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