just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
