I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
