He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
