I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
