Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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