I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
