you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
