when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
