you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
