wrigley field is MILF paradise
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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