Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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