yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
