you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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