tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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