I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
