dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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