Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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