There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
