highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
