Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Small penises have feelings too.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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