oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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