scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
